Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
