whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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