I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
