He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
