this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
