Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
