omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
