i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
