Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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