Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
