the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it's like iHOP with fire
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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