I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
