I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
