you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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