Slut skills are useful in every country.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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