Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
