I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
