saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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