Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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