dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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