i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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