We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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