How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
