So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
