watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dignity is for republicans.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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