And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
