If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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