I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
