"it" just moved
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
