apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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