Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
