I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
