Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
