Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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