i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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