Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
