You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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