there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
