I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
