I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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