oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
well you can't waste a boner
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
