I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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