i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
