Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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