My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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