It's Friday. Sex?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
