Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
