Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
