I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
