Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
